Monday, April 6, 2009

I SUCK!

I have the hugest headache. I'm sure it's because I'm just not being healthy :( I keep thinking in my head ok... I'm gonna do it. no more junk, I'm gonna start working out and then I just don't. I love to bake and I bake something fattening. I tell myself I'm too tired to work out or they have yummy treats at work that I can't resist. I'm sad because I'm putting on so much weight and yet I'm not doing anything about it.

I think so much of it is feeling soooo stressed out and knowing when I'm stressed I don't lose weight. But even being stressed, if I was eating right and exercising, I'd at least be maintaining instead of gaining, so I know it's totally my fault. I just can't seem to find the desire or the will power. I know it's part of depression, but being aware you'd think I could/would do something about it!

I feel like when I'm depressed then food and not exercising makes me happy. So why take away the things that are making me happy? And YES I know that is so totally wrong and messed up in my head, because I'm really not happy because I'm getting fatter. I think my tummy is at it's biggest ever right now (besides when I was pregnant...LOL).

What can I do to gain motivation?

7 comments:

K. said...

First of all, you totally do NOT suck. You are a wonderful mom and wife! You are BUSY. Healthy living can be HARD WORK! Angie, I know so well the rut we can get in... I battled these feelings for 2 years. Wanting to change but having absolutely ZERO motivation. It's a cycle, really. If I may, I'd like to recommend that you start really small. Instead of looking at the long term, take things day by day. Remind yourself every day of the advantages of being healthy. I know you want a long and healthy life, see your children have children, etc. Whatever your motive is, focus on it. Set small goals. Try not to focus on everything you're doing wrong, and focus on everything you're doing right in life! You are beautiful. You are talented. You are strong!

Heather said...

sometimes it can definitely be a vicious cycle - you are mad at yourself for getting off track that you become stressed out, eat, and then feel mad at yourself for getting off track. I was stuck in that cycle for so long and its hard to break. but if you can forgive yourself and look forward, realize that mistakes do happen, and find other outlets for stress, it can become manageable. and you dont suck - you face what we all face and its hard so just forgive yourself and focus on the here and now.

Erin said...

Ohmygoodness! You so do NOT suck! I love your blog...You Rock! As for the cycle, my grandma told me something back when I was a new adult...in the 80s...and it is more true than ever these days. She said, "You guys are all messed up about this food and that food and bad food and good food." "Your problem," she said, "is that you guys ignore moderation. You do everything to excess." Well, I was anorexic then and she didn't know it, but that advice as stayed with me over the years and she's right. Stop demonizing anything...have whatever you want to eat...just have less of it. No food is forbidden. Train your body to eat like a toddler...no value judgments attached to the food and no gorging yourself. You'll be happier and you'll be off this merry-go-round.

H.K. said...

(found your blog on mormon mommy blog)

I so relate to what you wrote! It seems so easy to just exercise & eat right, but knowing & doing are two seperate things!

What motivates me is just how i feel. I'm tired of always feeling gross and when I eat right and exercise I feel great. Don't beat yourself, just take baby steps. Even if all you can do is walk down the block.

Tereza said...

I think what Erin said is right on!

Shiloah Baker said...

Angie, something I've learned this past year is that we are not victims in our body, to habits and fat. How can you fix it, though? Heal the emotions. This is something I've been doing just shy of a year. I recommend two books: Feelings Buried Alive Never Die by Karol Truman and You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. I do know what you are going through I went through it for years before I learned to turn it around!

Marisa (Trim The Fat) said...

Hang in there Angie! I've been where you are right now and I know it's not a good feeling, but your first order of business is to stop blaming yourself and beating yourself up. It's hard not to when you're disappointed in yourself, but it is essential to your weight loss journey. There are going to be ups and downs, detours and valleys and if you're in it for the long haul, you can't tear yourself down for not following your plan perfectly. Just take one day at a time. Set small goals. Maybe try not to worry about the food part so much and work on the exercise part; it may help relieve some of your stress, too =) HUGS